December with the Girlies

For our girlies first Christmas we decided to go to Minnesota (click here for official soundtrack), where Kim's brother Stevie lives. Stevie works for one of the big consumer product firms (I can't remember which one, as he doesn't like to talk about it much) and has three boys, each more strapping than the next.

All of Kim's siblings were able to come to Minnesota except for her brother Scott, who was busy at home, working on his haikus. The best part was the girlies getting to spend time with our nephews.

My nephew Austin has a very large dog (part St. Bernard, part Weimaraner) and the girlies had their first experience with a big dog, which was very fun to watch. This dog, named 'Fido', was big (see photo below) but gentle as a little baby fawn, and the girlies had a lot of fun petting him (her?) and touching his big snotty dog nose.

We also took the girlies sledding for the first time ever which they really enjoyed, but because we were in Minnesota we could only stay outside for 3 1/2 minutes at a time, or else our fingers would become numb and require immediate amputation.

Stevie also has a Nintendo Wii, which was fun, but I felt bad for my young nephews because I repeatedly dominated them playing Tennis and Bowling. It is not in my nature to be a gracious winner, so every time I would crush them at one of these games, I would point at them and taunt them and remind them that I am the greatest ever. They enjoyed that part, I think.

Below are some photos and junk - please enjoy, won't you?

The girlies Christmas card photo - if you didn't get one, uh, our computer crashed and we lost your address or something, probably. I blame the Germans.

Three groovy chicks

Kim's Mom made the girlies their stockings. My mom would have done it, but she was busy dusting.

Sledding with the girlies.

Sally in her St. Louis Cardinals outfit

Me with Amelia at Church - Original Gary (Kim's sister Julie's husband, who is a minister of Jesus) sat behind us and Amelia had an odd reaction to Original Gary's singing voice. He has a low vibrating bass, like Lou Rawls and my sister D;;alskjdf, and every time he would sing Amelia would suffer from involuntary spasms. I quite enjoyed his singing, however, even though the church did like 8 or 9 verses for every Christmas song (did you know that in the sixth verse of Good King Wenceslas, the King gets mad at the poor man from the first verse and makes him give back the pine log and apologize for wasting old Wenceslas's time? It's true. The song also uses the word 'thither', which you don't hear every day) Original Gary also made a gospel album in the 1970s (right).

The girlies with Austin's hound dog

Kim with Sally and her stocking - Sally looks a bit tired, or maybe she got into the Nyquil

The girlies with Santy Claus at the Mall of America - they were thrilled, as you can tell


Happy New Year!

And now for some video:

Trying to take our Christmas card picture:



In the Starbucks (YUCK!) after we took the Christmas card picture:

The Girlies First Thanksgiving

For those of you who did not grow up in this great country of ours, our most beloved holiday is called 'Thanksgiving.' Over 75 years ago, the pilgrims arrived in West Virginia on a very large ship, only to stumble upon a very large corn field which had been carved into a very intricate maze by the Hakawi Native America tribe.

In order to qualify for a free turkey dinner, the pilgrims had to make it through the maze, which was tough because all of the directions were in Hakawi, but fortunately Corporal Agarn (played by Emmy-Nominated Larry Storch) spoke the language and the pilgrims were able to make it through, and this was the first Thanksgiving ever.

The Pilgrims and the Native Americans spent the night before Thanksgiving staying up late making the rolls and pie fillings from scratch and drinking wine from a box. The next day everyone woke up and had dinner promptly at 5 PM, only 3 hours later than they were supposed to, but no one was allowed to ask how much longer until dinner because the kitchen was very hectic and someone forgot to turn the oven on and just get out of here and quit asking what time we will be eating because we will be eating at 3:30 or 4:00 at the latest and hush up and get out of here. And don't forget to put some color on your plate.

Then, when dinner time finally came, there was exactly enough for everyone to have plenty of food, as long as you didn't want any white meat and you weren't that hungry and one helping is enough anyway and quit griping about it because if you are still hungry there is still some more of that weird brown stuff with the marshmallows on top, and don't let the corn mix with the mashed potatoes because that is just gross.

Anyway, that is the tradition of the Pilgrims and the Native Americans and how they created Thanksgiving. This year, for the girlies first Thanksgiving we decided to go Kansas City, where my Mom ('Judy') lives. It was very fun, and the girlies loved it. We stayed at D;a;lskjdf's house in Lee's Summit, which was great because D;a;lskjd has had so many kids over the years that she has plenty of diapers and baby beds and those things that cut apples into eight perfectly sized segments.

This was also the first time that my brother 'Ron' had met our little girlies, and they were very happy to meet him and rub his head for luck.

Below are some photos of Thanksgiving and stuff.

Ronnee with Sally - he fed her aboot 6 pounds of Cheerios, and she evacuated her bowels with impressive volume for the next 9 days.

My darling nieces, Colee-olee-o and Natalie. Natalie is in college and dates this guy named 'Scooter.' Colee has a boyfriend who is in his late 30s and is thrice divorced. I am against both of these freeloading weasels, who think that if they play their cards right they can get their hands on some of the big tooth money that D;alskdjf and Joe are pulling in, but I am guessing that once these deadbeats find out that Joe is Italian and knows a guy who knows a guy, they will not be foolish enough to continue these shenanigans.

Us with the girlies on my Mom's balcony watching the Plaza Lights turn on. It was a quite pleasant -7 degrees.

My nephew Spider Man (played by Joey Bag O' Donuts) - De'a;slkjd was too lazy to cook, so he had to make his own flapjacks.

'Judy' turkey bowling - an amazingly fun family tradition

My lovely wife Kim, with what appears to be the Unabomber.

The girlies in a wagon - I was trying to tire them out so they would nap.

Sitting in the wagon - Amelia is playing the air bass guitar.

My friends Christina, Eli, and Boone School Student Council President (1976) Susan Simon all came over to Dl;as;ljdkf's house to meet the girlies. These young ladies above are Christina's daughters, who both are expected to become Homecoming Queen or else there's going to be trouble. For some reason, I took no photos of my friends with the girlies, so you will have to use your imagination.

Aint Debbie and Uncle Drew Meet the Girlies

My Uncle Drew is a powerful executive of a major international conglomerate, and he is universally feared. He lives in Houston with his wife, my Aint Debbie, and their pet ferret, Jerome. In the early 1970s, my siblings and I would spend summers in Texas visiting my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was always great fun, and my Uncle Drew used to take all of us kids aside and tell us great stories about these crazy kids Sam and George and Sally and Sue.

One of our favorite stories was about the time Sam and George accidentally maimed a young goat, and the hijinks they went through to pin the blame on Tommy, the neighbor kid with the funny ears.

Another time, Sam and George and Sally and Sue were hitchhiking across the country, and after a series of very bad decisions ended up in a van with a bunch of shady characters who had recently done time, including the ring-leader, a deranged balding maniac named 'Hacksaw' who possessed a full beard and the power to control the rest of the group with an iron fist and an intimidating glare.

Anyway, Uncle Drew and Aint Debbie were very excited when they found out that we were going to become parents, largely because they thought it would be poetic justice for me, as I have been unfairly accused of being a difficult youth. In October Uncle Drew found out that he had to go to Boston for a business trip, most likely to crack some people's skulls and get them to start making their sales results or else he was going to clean house.

Since he had to be in Boston, which is only a few hours from New York, he decided to fly Aint Debbie up to NY and join us for the weekend. We were very excited as Uncle Drew has legendary young children-calming skills, which are always welcome in our home.

We spent the entire weekend with Aint Debbie and Uncle Drew, and it was great fun. Below are some photos and junk. There would be more photos of my Aint Debbie, but she is my Mother's sister and has a pathological fear of photographic equipment.

Uncle Drew feeding Amelia

Giving Amelia a smooch at the swings

Sally looking tough

Aint Debbie and Uncle Drew with the girlies in our hallway

Going down the slide

And now a video of Aint Debbie and Uncle Drew pushing the girlies on the swing