The Girlies First Thanksgiving
For those of you who did not grow up in this great country of ours, our most beloved holiday is called 'Thanksgiving.' Over 75 years ago, the pilgrims arrived in West Virginia on a very large ship, only to stumble upon a very large corn field which had been carved into a very intricate maze by the Hakawi Native America tribe.
In order to qualify for a free turkey dinner, the pilgrims had to make it through the maze, which was tough because all of the directions were in Hakawi, but fortunately Corporal Agarn (played by Emmy-Nominated Larry Storch) spoke the language and the pilgrims were able to make it through, and this was the first Thanksgiving ever.
The Pilgrims and the Native Americans spent the night before Thanksgiving staying up late making the rolls and pie fillings from scratch and drinking wine from a box. The next day everyone woke up and had dinner promptly at 5 PM, only 3 hours later than they were supposed to, but no one was allowed to ask how much longer until dinner because the kitchen was very hectic and someone forgot to turn the oven on and just get out of here and quit asking what time we will be eating because we will be eating at 3:30 or 4:00 at the latest and hush up and get out of here. And don't forget to put some color on your plate.
Then, when dinner time finally came, there was exactly enough for everyone to have plenty of food, as long as you didn't want any white meat and you weren't that hungry and one helping is enough anyway and quit griping about it because if you are still hungry there is still some more of that weird brown stuff with the marshmallows on top, and don't let the corn mix with the mashed potatoes because that is just gross.
Anyway, that is the tradition of the Pilgrims and the Native Americans and how they created Thanksgiving. This year, for the girlies first Thanksgiving we decided to go Kansas City, where my Mom ('Judy') lives. It was very fun, and the girlies loved it. We stayed at D;a;lskjdf's house in Lee's Summit, which was great because D;a;lskjd has had so many kids over the years that she has plenty of diapers and baby beds and those things that cut apples into eight perfectly sized segments.
This was also the first time that my brother 'Ron' had met our little girlies, and they were very happy to meet him and rub his head for luck.
Below are some photos of Thanksgiving and stuff.
The Pilgrims and the Native Americans spent the night before Thanksgiving staying up late making the rolls and pie fillings from scratch and drinking wine from a box. The next day everyone woke up and had dinner promptly at 5 PM, only 3 hours later than they were supposed to, but no one was allowed to ask how much longer until dinner because the kitchen was very hectic and someone forgot to turn the oven on and just get out of here and quit asking what time we will be eating because we will be eating at 3:30 or 4:00 at the latest and hush up and get out of here. And don't forget to put some color on your plate.
Then, when dinner time finally came, there was exactly enough for everyone to have plenty of food, as long as you didn't want any white meat and you weren't that hungry and one helping is enough anyway and quit griping about it because if you are still hungry there is still some more of that weird brown stuff with the marshmallows on top, and don't let the corn mix with the mashed potatoes because that is just gross.
Anyway, that is the tradition of the Pilgrims and the Native Americans and how they created Thanksgiving. This year, for the girlies first Thanksgiving we decided to go Kansas City, where my Mom ('Judy') lives. It was very fun, and the girlies loved it. We stayed at D;a;lskjdf's house in Lee's Summit, which was great because D;a;lskjd has had so many kids over the years that she has plenty of diapers and baby beds and those things that cut apples into eight perfectly sized segments.
This was also the first time that my brother 'Ron' had met our little girlies, and they were very happy to meet him and rub his head for luck.
Below are some photos of Thanksgiving and stuff.
Ronnee with Sally - he fed her aboot 6 pounds of Cheerios, and she evacuated her bowels with impressive volume for the next 9 days.
My darling nieces, Colee-olee-o and Natalie. Natalie is in college and dates this guy named 'Scooter.' Colee has a boyfriend who is in his late 30s and is thrice divorced. I am against both of these freeloading weasels, who think that if they play their cards right they can get their hands on some of the big tooth money that D;alskdjf and Joe are pulling in, but I am guessing that once these deadbeats find out that Joe is Italian and knows a guy who knows a guy, they will not be foolish enough to continue these shenanigans.
Us with the girlies on my Mom's balcony watching the Plaza Lights turn on. It was a quite pleasant -7 degrees.
My nephew Spider Man (played by Joey Bag O' Donuts) - De'a;slkjd was too lazy to cook, so he had to make his own flapjacks.
'Judy' turkey bowling - an amazingly fun family tradition
My lovely wife Kim, with what appears to be the Unabomber.
The girlies in a wagon - I was trying to tire them out so they would nap.
Sitting in the wagon - Amelia is playing the air bass guitar.
My friends Christina, Eli, and Boone School Student Council President (1976) Susan Simon all came over to Dl;as;ljdkf's house to meet the girlies. These young ladies above are Christina's daughters, who both are expected to become Homecoming Queen or else there's going to be trouble. For some reason, I took no photos of my friends with the girlies, so you will have to use your imagination.
